Well let me first start off by wishing everyone a happy new year - hope you all had a great christmas.

What's everyone up to tonight? I'm going to be out partying with my friends. It will be fun - wish I had that somebody special to kiss at midnight - but not this year.

I feel quite a lot sad about that actually. My love life is as much all over the place as ever - if not more so! God, i'm doing my OWN head in!!! ha ha ha

Where did we get up to the last time we spoke? Lets see - I think I was telling you about the guy I've known for years asking me on a date.... we've not been on it yet... he rang the other day but I "missed" his call - want to make him work a bit for it I'm worth chasing you know! ha ha ha I texted him the next day just saying hope he's okay and has a great new year. We'll see what happens with that one.... I have a feeling it'll go on for another few years before we actually go out for the date!

I'm sure I told you about how excited I was about meeting a guy that i've been texting with for ages and he was meant to be coming over and we were going to have a great fun day doing fun stuff, we coulda just ended up as friends, like we were already, we were just open to it being more, were going to see how we felt .... well problems arose - I was on tenterhooks all day.... it wasn't his fault he couldn't make it, problems arose which he had to deal with - it couldn't be helped I know - but I was disappointed when he didn't drive over in the late afternoon after the problem had been sorted - so much for the text saying that he would walk to see me if he had to! Hah!

We are going to rearrange. We will see what happens.

Subsequently, downhearted, sad and feeling rejected, when an old flame texted, whom I am still friends with, invited me over for the evening I went. I tried not to let anything happen but I thought...hell ... why not? I'm still single!!!!!! He's single!!!!!!!! what the hell!!!! So, after quite a lot of hours of flirting, laughing and cuddling up chatting, his hand moved slowly nearer to my breast... by the time he had ever so softly and slowly moved his hand inside my lacy top my breasts were heaving, I could hardly breathe and every nerve in my body was tingling ...... we were both breathing hard as his fingers slid inside my top, rubbing my nipple. He was hard as rock too. We stayed at this level of excitement not doing much else fora while.... me trying to work out in my head should I be doing this.... and finally I mentioned it and that I didn't want it to ruin our friendship and didn't want to just have a relationship based on sex..... he was honest with me too and said he had missed me, had thought how great it would be to have me over to spend time with him and that's it.... I like honesty.... He didn't lead me on.... I knew it was gonna be just sex.... I fought with myself about this, I really did. But like I say, in the end I thought well i'm single and i'm hot for him so why not??? so when his hand moved to unbotton my jeans I didn't stop him. My fingers flew to his buttons and I undid him and within seconds his jeans were off and he was sprung up proud and HUGE in front of me!... god this man is BIG I tell you! In fact its so big I can only handle doggy style for a few minutes before it hurts too much... dammit!!! ha ha ha .... anyway we moved into the bedroom and had amazing sex..... our bodies were sweaty and hot and we cuddled after. He kept checking I was okay. I was. And that's how we left it... we cuddled for a bit after and kissed each other bye and we texted goodnight and thats it. I dunno if this will happen again ever .... I don't want a relationship just based on sex though... I don't regret what I did, it was what I needed. But if i'm ever actually dating somebody that's it... loyalty is my middle name and I swear that no matter who it is or what has happened, if i'm with a guy in a relationship I wouldn't so much as kiss anybody else.

You see, I'm a nice girl with a big heart.... and i'm turning this way and that and yes, I have these dates lined up... did I tell you another guy is texting asking me to dinner.... I haven't said yes yet... and I'm meant to be going on another date soon with somebody else.... I can't decide if i'm going to go yet..... then there's this guy that i've known for years .... (see above!)...... and then there's this other guy that we are friends but who knows... and who couldn't make it as arranged...

I may have dates..... but I feel like i'm wandering alone in a big dense forest and i'm lost.....

Anyway - my curlers are heating up and I need to do my hair ready for partying tonight with my friends! Hope everyone has a great New Year xxxxxxxx

PS any advice would be gratefully received! thank you! xxxxx hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx