Well this is me in NOT a good mood. Not very often im like this but today if its not one thing its another! I think i'm seriously gonna give up on men - all of them! I was jokingly thinking i'll become a nun!! but then I realised i couldn't possibly be a nun owning half of Ann Summers....so that's out! Instead i'm gonna go shopping and buy a trolleyful of multipacks of duraceell and never look at a man again!

Okay you know what happened with the guy I met don't you...well ..we got on really well and had chatted for weeks for hours on end and had gotten quite close i thought... he talked of a future together and all that... then after we get together things changed.... he just wasn't the same and i can't be doing with games. Stuff him.

I've turned down a date from another guy tonight cos I really think i'm just going to give up

i'm so bloody stupid to believe everything a man tells me. I know I am. And i'm never gonna change so ..... why let myself be put through all this heartache over and over and over again???

On top of that, the fires bloody broken ... again... and that being the only source of heat its bloody freezing ....and i'm broke... and a few other things...and its like ...god, kick me when i'm down why don't you.

Fuck it im gonna run a hot bath and have a good cry I think. Nowt like a bit of self indulgence. Don't get me wrong my problems are nothing compared to a lot of people who may be homeless or ill or soomething like that, i know. I'm very much aware that i'm feeling sorry for myself. But you know what? I can't help it.

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Hi all ....sorry i don't write every day, i just write when i feel like talking if you know what i mean besides, you would be bored stiff having to read my rantings and ravings every day!! lol ... so i come here sometimes every day, sometimes every 2 or 3 days ..... some of my friends write a few blogs a day...i'm not that interesting i'm afraid! xxxxxxxxx

well..... i can "officially" say i've got a ...oh my god...dare I say it...BOYFRIEND.... lol.... however .... as usual with me and as much as you would expect from me by now i'm sure..... i'm all mixed up and not sure whats happening!!!! we got together - its the man i met online by the way ...... we got together, had a fantastic time, lots of laughs, cuddles (and yes, i admit we had sex....i was going to wait but it just felt right so why not....4 times in less than 24 hours!Ace!)... and we hugged as we said bye and talked of stuff we will do in the future etc.... and we text and email and stuff every day... he's got a lot on his plate at the moment ...... but still, he doesn't say I miss you as smuch as I say it and i KNOW women can be a nightmare and i'm never happy!!!! but seriously.... so after talking to my friend about it she suggested i play it a bit cooler... more friends than anything and see how he responds... not too cool but not too over the top either.

Men. I'll never understand any of you.

we haven't even arranged the next date yet am I an idiot????

thinking how this must sound to you, i would say a big definite HELL YES WOMAN CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT A TIT YOU ARE???!!!

but he IS a genuine guy. And we've chatted today... just chit chat...anyway i'm off to bed.... sad and wanting to cry oh god i'm sooooo fed up!!!! think i'm gonna join the nunnery!!!!!! black is SOOOO my colour too!!!!

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Well let me first start off by wishing everyone a happy new year - hope you all had a great christmas.

What's everyone up to tonight? I'm going to be out partying with my friends. It will be fun - wish I had that somebody special to kiss at midnight - but not this year.

I feel quite a lot sad about that actually. My love life is as much all over the place as ever - if not more so! God, i'm doing my OWN head in!!! ha ha ha

Where did we get up to the last time we spoke? Lets see - I think I was telling you about the guy I've known for years asking me on a date.... we've not been on it yet... he rang the other day but I "missed" his call - want to make him work a bit for it I'm worth chasing you know! ha ha ha I texted him the next day just saying hope he's okay and has a great new year. We'll see what happens with that one.... I have a feeling it'll go on for another few years before we actually go out for the date!

I'm sure I told you about how excited I was about meeting a guy that i've been texting with for ages and he was meant to be coming over and we were going to have a great fun day doing fun stuff, we coulda just ended up as friends, like we were already, we were just open to it being more, were going to see how we felt .... well problems arose - I was on tenterhooks all day.... it wasn't his fault he couldn't make it, problems arose which he had to deal with - it couldn't be helped I know - but I was disappointed when he didn't drive over in the late afternoon after the problem had been sorted - so much for the text saying that he would walk to see me if he had to! Hah!

We are going to rearrange. We will see what happens.

Subsequently, downhearted, sad and feeling rejected, when an old flame texted, whom I am still friends with, invited me over for the evening I went. I tried not to let anything happen but I thought...hell ... why not? I'm still single!!!!!! He's single!!!!!!!! what the hell!!!! So, after quite a lot of hours of flirting, laughing and cuddling up chatting, his hand moved slowly nearer to my breast... by the time he had ever so softly and slowly moved his hand inside my lacy top my breasts were heaving, I could hardly breathe and every nerve in my body was tingling ...... we were both breathing hard as his fingers slid inside my top, rubbing my nipple. He was hard as rock too. We stayed at this level of excitement not doing much else fora while.... me trying to work out in my head should I be doing this.... and finally I mentioned it and that I didn't want it to ruin our friendship and didn't want to just have a relationship based on sex..... he was honest with me too and said he had missed me, had thought how great it would be to have me over to spend time with him and that's it.... I like honesty.... He didn't lead me on.... I knew it was gonna be just sex.... I fought with myself about this, I really did. But like I say, in the end I thought well i'm single and i'm hot for him so why not??? so when his hand moved to unbotton my jeans I didn't stop him. My fingers flew to his buttons and I undid him and within seconds his jeans were off and he was sprung up proud and HUGE in front of me!... god this man is BIG I tell you! In fact its so big I can only handle doggy style for a few minutes before it hurts too much... dammit!!! ha ha ha .... anyway we moved into the bedroom and had amazing sex..... our bodies were sweaty and hot and we cuddled after. He kept checking I was okay. I was. And that's how we left it... we cuddled for a bit after and kissed each other bye and we texted goodnight and thats it. I dunno if this will happen again ever .... I don't want a relationship just based on sex though... I don't regret what I did, it was what I needed. But if i'm ever actually dating somebody that's it... loyalty is my middle name and I swear that no matter who it is or what has happened, if i'm with a guy in a relationship I wouldn't so much as kiss anybody else.

You see, I'm a nice girl with a big heart.... and i'm turning this way and that and yes, I have these dates lined up... did I tell you another guy is texting asking me to dinner.... I haven't said yes yet... and I'm meant to be going on another date soon with somebody else.... I can't decide if i'm going to go yet..... then there's this guy that i've known for years .... (see above!)...... and then there's this other guy that we are friends but who knows... and who couldn't make it as arranged...

I may have dates..... but I feel like i'm wandering alone in a big dense forest and i'm lost.....

Anyway - my curlers are heating up and I need to do my hair ready for partying tonight with my friends! Hope everyone has a great New Year xxxxxxxx

PS any advice would be gratefully received! thank you! xxxxx hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi all.... hope everybody had a lovely xmas day yesterday, I did, it was fab! Caught up with family and it was great to see everyone.

Today is Boxing Day and that's nearly over also - where did Xmas go???!!!

Not long now til I meet my soulmate - did I tell you we had arranged to meet? This weekend!!! I can't wait!!! we've spent hours texting each other and missing each other and eventually we will get to have a real kiss.... I can't wait.

Merry christmas ! :0) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

wow....is all i can say..... talk about being blown away and swept off your feet.....he seems amazing....I can't wait til we actually meet for real....

Hope I'm not setting myself up for more pain and heartache here....

I know you have to take chances in life though.... and maybe this chance is worth it?? xxxxxxxxx

Well as you know, i'm meant to be meeting this guy i've known for a few years for a date soon.... I said after new year, he said this week if possible.... I haven't texted him and he hasn't texted me....I could do but I feel that he should make more of an effort if he wants to take me out, don't you agree??? He asked me to text him during the week - well today is Thursday and he hasn't texted ME! .... i'll leave it til weekend then maybe I will text to say hello....

In the meantime..... I've "met" a guy "online".....and am quite into him actually! We are constantly texting and he says the most lovely things.... we can't wait to meet up.......

I am trying to be good with the "man at work" and not encourage him at all ..... lets see if we can keep that up!

I have another guy I'm meant to be meeting for a date in January too.......

Men are like busses!!!! You don't get one for ages and then 3 come along at once!!!! lol

well, we will see what happens..... I'm trying to keep open minded and not expect too much.... although the guy i'm texting all the time is on my mind a lot and i'm on his apparently awwwwww

Am I naieve? Maybe....but if you don't take a chance now and then you may never meet the one..... xxxxx

You know, somebody asked me today if I "was over" my last b/f....the only one I let live with me in 8 years...and who talked of ever after etc etc... and then cheated on me... so I threw him out.... Am I over him? Good question....

a) would i ever have him back?

Answer - No, not ever, not in a million years, not in this lifetime or any other lifetime, not if you paid me a million pounds.

b) Does it still hurt?

Yes

c) Do I still love him?

Not in a good way. When I love sombody, really realy love somebody, I give all that I have and am - every cell in my body and all my soul. I believe that when you love somebody that deeply, and they break your heart, that a piece of your heart breaks off and stays broken off forever. You can love again, maybe even more deeply than before, but that tiny piece of your heart will always be broken.

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Saw Man At Work today and, as usual, my stomach flipped when he looked and smiled at me.... I recently told him during one of our flrting moments, what little phrase turns me into jelly.... mistake? maybe..lol....coz as soon as I saw him this morning he mentioned these little words to me and I nearly ran over and kissed him there and then....!! But of course I didn't... coz i'm a good girl!

The dress I wore today lets me get away without wearing a bra, which I hate wearing by the way, and it was so cold after I had been outside that my nipples were clearly erect through the material of the dress .... and his eyes were drawn there immediately... I wanted so much to feel his hands sliding under my dress, stroking my soft breasts, rubbing my nipples.... kissing me..... God....Its hard being a good girl!!!!!! Especially when you think about sex every minute of the day like I do!!!

Imagining his hands on me...his lips caressing my skin.... I squirmed at my desk as I tried to concentrate on my work.... wow....the anticipation and not being able to do anything about it....is a killer! xxxxx

Well..... he's just rang again... asking if he can see me before Christmas....one evening to fit in with me, maybe this week....

I'm pleasantly surprised....

We'll see what happens...............xxxxxxxx

Well.... would you believe it, that guy who has been texting all day has actually asked me out... we've known each other for a couple of years and have flirted ..... he was texting nice stuff and then it got a bit dirty ... so i texted him "forget it".... and he rang me immediately saying he was only messing with me, course he'd like to see me properly and when? so we are going on a "date" ...i've told him after xmas holidays are over though....

yeah right, okay, we'll see what happens...

See...you men have made me pessimistic .......

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